GOAL!!! Down 62 and Keeping my head up!!!

That's right, I finally made it to goal!!! -62 pounds and weighing in at 160 (159.5 to be exact). I'm thrilled that I made it to goal!! My BMI is like 26 I think. I'm real close to be in the normal weight range.

As far as my band goes, I don't have the insurance I thought I had that covered complications. After fighting with the Dr. office, I was given incorrect information and never asked enough questions about it and basically no paperwork was filled out by me or the office. I'm letting it go, nothing I can do. I did talk to the Dr. about my feeling I was mislead when he called me personally and he is going to work with me and help me through the process.

Anyway, as far as my band goes, as you know it slipped, so we took all the fluid out and I've put myself on a liquid diet to maybe help things along to get it back to where it belongs (fingers crossed). I find myself disecting every single little pull and pain I feel, thinking something is wrong. I find that my appetite is not completly back, but it gets a little more everyday. I think I still feel restriction, but it's hard to be certain when I'm not eating solids. I went to a Cookie exchange party yesterday with friends who don't know about my band and decided I'd taste a few mushie items so I wouldn't be obvious and to see how they feel. Anyway, I had a little hummus and some cheesy dip (i know, not so diet friendly, but that was all i could eat) I loaded my plate with other items so it didn't look funny and sat in a spot where people couldn't watch me eat and then threw my napkin on top of the plate when I was done and no one was none the wiser. I also took a piece of fudge and took tiny little bites and let it melt in my mouth until is was liquid, so i even enjoyed a little dessert. Mashed potatoes is my plan for Christmas dinner along with my protein shake.

Everything I tried (not much at all) went down fine, I didn't even feel any restriction or fullness, but I wouldn't with my band tightened either because it was mushy and such a small amount. Nothing seemed to linger in my pouch or anything. But after the party when I went home, I had some small pulling sensations, wouldn't say pain because it was like a 1 on a scale from 1 to 10, but they worried me. I'm so afraid the band will slip further and it will be an emergency and unbearable pain. I'm also so afraid it won't go back into place and i'll have to have surgery again. I'm afraid of the surgery especially since i was talking to a lady in the Dr. office last week and she said she almost died during surgery, enternal bleeding. I know things like that can always be a risk, but i just didn't think i'd have to go through another surgery. I thought this would be forever. I also know that complications were possible, you just never think it will be you.

Sorry this post is so long....where do i go from here?? I have another appt on the 12th of Jan and we'll do another barrium swallow and see where the band has settled. If it is back in place, I'm going to leave it unfilled and see if I can do this on my own. I've gotten to my goal and hope that with diet and maintenance I can maintain it on my own. During this liquid phase, I hope to loose a little extra to give me some room to fluctuate during the process. I hope I can maintain 160. If I can't, then I might look into a very, very small fill way, way, way down the line and go slow and hope it doesn't slip again. If the Barrium swallow shows the band has not settled back into place, then I guess I have some tough decisions to make, replace it or take it out??? Surgery Again!!!

Sorry my posts are bummers lately, hopefully on the 12th I'll have good news!! Merry Christmas everyone, thank you so much for all your support!! It has been everything to me!!!