Monday....

Ok, I guess I did over do it this weekend and the scale reminded me of it. Today is my weigh in day, but I don't even want to post my weight. I'm up 2 pounds. I'm going to post my weight and then if I go down throughout the week, I'm going to post a mid week post. I went up 2 pounds. I think all my brunch is still digesting and I made popcorn last night for the family while we enjoyed a movie. Latley, I'm finding popcorn goes down perfectly and I'm not feeling full quickly anymore like I used to. I can eat lots of it and I did. I had a super light dinner, and then gorged on popcorn. I did go on a long bike ride with my family yesterday. We take this great little trail near a river bottom. There is no traffic, so we can ride for miles with the kids and not worry about cars and stuff. We ride to a park and the kids played and ate ice cream and then we rode back. Probably 6 miles total. I feel good about that and I'm not too worried about my weight gain because I'm convinced it won't stick and hopefully will be down a bit tomorrow. I am, however, going to make it to the gym today. Need to get in that exercise and I want to get committed again and exercise regularly. I have been a total slacker the last few weeks.

I'm also really feeling restriction and when I pay attention to my stomach and not my head, I do get full rather quickly. It's also confusing because certain times I get full quick and other times it takes a little while. I guess that is just common for the band. I really need to get to know my limits and stop when it seems I should be full. I still think I need about .5 cc in my band and still plan to do it, but I can't help but wonder if I am close to the sweet spot or at the sweet spot and just expected it to be different than it is. I have had a few times where things get stuck and I run to the sick and kind of cough and make myself burp and it fixes it. Only one or two instances where it kind of comes up, but not violent vomit or anything. Nothing that would seem to make my band slip and it doesn't last long. I'm not the type of person who throws up often, not even when I drink too much. Others are puking when they drink too much, not me, I am just sick the next day and in bed all day with a headache. So, my point is, maybe I'm just not going to be the type of person who gets sick all the time and has to PB when I eat wrong. I get a little pain when I don't chew enough and after the first bite with pain, I usually am reminded to slow down and chew more, and I usually get full pretty quickly when I feel that pain.

Sorry for going on. These are just some random thoughts that have been going through my mind with the band and all. Maybe I am where I need to be, but just expected it to be different. Maybe I'm comparing my experience with others too much. All I know is I need to get serious with my eating and exercising and quit wasting time yo yoing back and forth with the same 27 pounds. I want to get to 30, then 35, then 40 and so on. I havn't come close to my goals yet. I was thinking I'd have lost 40 pounds by june, but I don't think that is going to happen. I need to get serious.

Great weekend :)

Had a great weekend. Me and my hubby went to a UB40 concert. We have always loved that band and they were playing at the casino close to our house, so we went and had the best time. The kids stayed overnight at my parents and we were able to go to breakfast together in the morning before picking up the kids.

I felt pretty good about my eating this weekend. I was trying to stop when I felt full and wasn't eating very much. I'm happy that I'm feeling my restriction. I've been avoiding most breads and carbs and such because they seem to be uncomfortable when I eat them. I do find though, that they do give me that full feeling quite quickly. Before the concert, we went to grab a drink and have some appetizers instead of a big dinner. We got hot wings and onion rings. I know, not so good, but I had my glass of wine before eating and then only ate two wings and about 4 onion rings and I was quite full, so I decided to stop. So, I don't think that was so bad. Before the band, I would have eaten like 8 wings and 15-20 onion rings and still probably be able to eat more. I had several drinks that evening, but we were at a concert and having so much fun. This morning at brunch, I was a little concerned as to how it would go, but I feel pretty good about it. I did over eat, but that is what you do at a brunch. We went to El Torrito (a Mexican resturant chain in California) and I love their salads, so I started with a small salad, a small piece of salmon. Then went back for a little more salad, a sausage, and a small taco (only ate the meat). I ended with a plate of select desserts (carrot cake, churro, rice pudding, bannana crepe) I took about a bite of each of them and was done. Not too bad, right? I ate like 4 hours ago and I'm still stuffed. I think I'll eat a very light dinner tonight and tomorrow is my weekly weigh in day. I hope I've lost.

Filling my fill......

I forgot to mention....I felt my fill again yesterday at lunch and dinner. I don't know if it takes me a week or so for my fill to kick in or what. Does that happen to anyone else??? it seems like the last two fills took a while before I started feeling them. I know we are on liquids and mushies for a while and maybe I'm just unconciously continuing to eat slider foods without thinking and not feeling the fill. I don't think I do that because I can't wait to get off mushies and actually start before I'm supposed to, but just can't stand the liquid thing. I'm never sure where I stand on my fill immediatly after and then after I start eating solids I'm always dissappointed and then a week later, when I'm really dissappointed, my band (Tina as Amy would say) rears it's wonderful little head and reminds me that it is there (I think we should all name our bands). Also, another thing was when I had my too tight fill, I was on the rag and I keep hearing on Lap band talk that we are tighter during our period. My next fill is scheduled at around the same time, which dissappoints me. I was hoping to get in this Tues, but his schedule is full. I'm on the waiting list, but I'm not holding my breath. I have to wait until the 12th of May, which will be right around my period again. I hope it doesn't effect my fill.

Gotta run the kids to school.

Fun Night...Bad eating

So last night was so fun just spending time with some of my friends from high school and childhood and my mom and her friends too. As far as the game goes, the younger crowd (we are in our late 30's, but the mom's are in their 60's, so we are the younger crowd) never really played and the older crowd hadn't played in so long, that we kind of had trouble remembering the rules and how to actually play the game. It was like the blind leading the blind. Anyway, this was like a leaning game since we were keeping score all wrong and all, but next month we will have it all together. It was still lots of fun.

As far as eating goes, I didn't do so well. I don't have any will power and get me in a room with wine, food and friends and I go wild. Needless to say, I'm not weighing in today. I'm going to put it out there and tell you all the bad stuff I ate and let it go:

B: Protein Drink

L: cottage cheese, protein drink, chicken roll up (2/3)

Snack: carrots

Dinner: 1 soft pork taco

Bunco: Drumroll.............
small pastrami sandwich (small rolls not too much)
some bread with spinach dip
small piece of strawberry pie
2 chocolate chip cookies
1 glass wine

So, I did great all day and went wild at Bunco. If this is going to be a monthly thing, I'm going to have to get a strategy down. Like maybe, on that night, eat a good dinner before I go and I will be allowed 1 and only 1 dessert as a treat and maybe a glass of wine or two. That would be a nice treat once a month huh??

Anyway, I wore my size 14 jeans and one of my new size XL bouses and my hubby said I looked really good. He's so good with the compliments and he makes me feel good too!!

BTW, just an update on my dad. He went home from the hospital the day after his surgery. We are still waiting on the results from pathology to see if they got everything, but the Surgeon felt very confident that they did. My dad always is very good at recovery whenever he has surgery. I mean, when he had the gastric bypass surgery (8 or so years ago), he lost so much weight so fast, that the Dr. used him as a poster example and he is on their brochures and is even on a commercial as well as their website. Anyway, thanks for all your thoughts and well wishes for my dad. He's doing great!!!

A much better day.

Every morning when I wake up, I touch my tummy area to see if it feels slimmer or not. My weight is the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I usually think about when I go to bed. This morning, I woke up not feeling particularly slimmer and deciding wheather to weigh myself or not. I decided to do it and hope for it to be the same as yesterday and to not have gained, especially after my sad day yesterday. Well, low and behold, I lost like 1.5 pounds. Go figure, I can't figure this weight thing out for the life of me. And remember how I was complaining about not feeling restriction? Well, I still think I need a slight fill, but yesterday, I made myself a chicken roll up and could only eat half of it as I was feeling quite full and had to chew better because I was feeling it. Then, I was eating some raw carrots and felt those too. Maybe I just need to blog about it and then the problem gets solved.

So, needless to say, I think today is going to be a great day.

I have this terrible habbit of eating while I'm driving. I go about my day running errands and such then find myself starving and then I make terrible choices such as going through a drive thru or something. So, I like to try to pack something to take with me for when I get hungry. I've started taking a little baggy of carrots and it works great. I can throw them in my purse and when I'm feeling hungry, I just pop them in my mouth and chew well and all is good. I curb my hunger and get a veggie in at the same time. I especially like to eat something while I'm driving, it used to be chips and french frys, so carrots work.

I don't know if I mentioned, but my mom and my good childhood friends have started a Bunco group and tonight is our first game. I'm very excited. There will be good food and maybe wine, so I'm going to try to be really good today so that I can have a little bit tonight.

BTW, Thanks Amy for all your great adivce and for listening to me and responding so quickly. I did call to schedule a small fill, but they can't get me in for another month. Bummer, by then I might need a full cc, but I hope I don't go throught this whole too tight, unfill thing again. I asked them to put me on a waiting list for a cancellation for next week. We'll see :)

Back from shopping and feeling better.....

Hi all, I'm back from my shopping trip and feeling so much better. I've mentioned before that I'm kind of a bargain shopper. I love the clearance racks and especially so when I'm buying clothes that, hopefully, won't fit me for very long. So, sometimes, I just shop to try on things and see what size I am and what fits. When I started this journey, I was a solid size 18 and today, I was trying on size 14's and they all fit. Not too tight, not too big, just perfect size 14 on the bottom. Yeah!!! Talk about a boost to my depressing mood. I didn't buy any bottoms, nothing on sale, so I'll wait and maybe I'll be an 11 by then. I have like 3 pairs of shorts that fit me good right now. I did go to Ross and bought 2 blouses. I love Ross. Not sure if it's all over the country, but here in Southern CA, its a great store. They have all sizes in one store and great prices. Anyway, I'm a size XL on top, so that means I've finally crossed over that threshold from plus sizes to regular sizes. When I started that journey, that was a major reason I wanted to loose weight and I said I'd be happy just to be able to shoppe in normal stores and wear normal size clothes. So, when I'm upset that the scale isn't moving for me, I'm going to remember that I have accomplished quite a bit and 27 pounds is pretty damn good!!

BTW, off the subject of the band, remember how I got a small job doing some transcription work from home?? well, another job just landed in my lap doing customer service from home. I've been training for the job for the past 3 days and it seems pretty good. Not one of those work from home scams where you have to pay them to work for them. This is a legitimate work from home job. So, I will be making a little extra cash to help pay for this lap band.

Feeling Down...

Hi all, I'm feeling a little down and frustrated today. This whole band thing is getting a little frustrating for me. I had surgery back in Jan (3 months ago). First fill, no restriction, 2nd fill a slight difference, but not enough, 3rd fill too much, painful, so I had 1cc taken out and now I'm feeling hardly any restriction again. Can this thing really be this touchy?? or am I just doing it all wrong?? I read everyone's posts and how they ate this and it got stuck, and how they could only take a few bites of this and I can not relate at all. I mean, when I was too full, I finally felt restriction, but it was just too painful and a little scary to not be able to drink water during certain times of the day. I keep thinking to give it a little time and maybe the restriction will kick in, but it hasn't. Do I call the Dr. and schedule another fill?? He's going to think I'm nuts. I go in for a fill a week ago, call a few days later complaining it too tight and then call again for a fill. WTF!! I'm gaining weight daily it seems. Also, I'm at 8cc in my band. Everyone else seems to find restriction with much less and I feel like my band is reaching full capacity. Am I going to be the only person in bandland to be at full capacity and still eat anything I want??

Sorry for this depressing blog....maybe I'll go out shopping, that always makes me feel better.

Everything is Good

Thanks for all the kind comments and prayers for my dad. His surgery went well. We still haven't gotten results, but the surgeon says everything went good and we will just wait to make sure they got all the cancer, but he felt hopeful. My dad is recovering great and will probably go home tomorrow. I've been training for a new job that I can do from home and the training is quite draining. It's in the evenings and its 2.5 hours on a internet webcast and conference call. Just one of those things where your brain is trying to take in too much info and I'm exhausted. I haven't been able to exercise today and won't be able to make it to my kickboxing class this week due to training and Bunco on Thursday. I'm excited. Several of my friends and my mom and her friends are staring a Bunco group and our first meeting is on Thursday night. Fun, Fun, Fun. I ate ok today. Had some seafood for lunch and dinner and protein shake for breakfast. I weighed exactly the same as yesterday today, so maybe tomorrow I'll loose again, but maybe not since I haven't been exercising. I'll take the same weight over a gain. I ate real food today and didn't feel the restriction very good. Hopefully it will kick in soon. We'll see.

Until next time...

Roller Coaster Ride

Hi Everyone. Sometimes I feel like this band is such a roller coaster ride. Ups and downs. For most of last week, I was in pain everytime I drank or ate and everything was a struggle. Then I got 1 cc taken out and I'm back to feeling like I can probably eat just about anything. Haven't tried it, I'm still on soft foods, but not having trouble with anything and not feeling as full as fast. I have to admit, I loved the restriction when I was too tight, just not the pain. I'm thinking the Dr. should have just taken out .5cc instead of 1cc. Oh well, I knew this was something I keep trying at until I get proper restriction. Last fill, I felt like a few weeks into it, it sort of kicked in and I was struggleing with some things and I guess its really too soon to be sure yet. I'm probably not going to be able to weigh in tomorrow. My dad is going in for surgery he has Protate Cancer, so I'm going to the hospital with him, my mom and brother. I'm going to update my stats acording to todays weigh in.

Bad Night.....Needed an unfill

I'm going to try to make a long story short. You all know that I have been struggling a bit with this most recent 3rd fill and the Dr. gave me 1.5 cc. I drank a couple sips of water in his office and all was fine, had a couple protein drinks. I don't know when the pain came, but all I know is by evening, I was having trouble swallowing pudding and ever since, it hurt to drink water. I was managing to get thing down and it seemed morning and evening was too tight to eat or drink and daytime, I could slowly get a few bites here and there, but most things hurt. Well, last night when I laid down, I felt a bit of acid reflux (something I don't suffer from). I almost PB'd on dinner (thinned out cream of wheat). I haven't actually PB'd, which kept me telling myself I must not be too tight, because people throw up when they are too tight. But the Acid Reflux made me worried. I couldn't sleep, it seemed my slobber was giving me trouble going down in the middle of the night and I ended up on the couch in a sitting position with my pillow to sleep through the rest of the night.

In the morning, I decided to cal my Dr. He's so great....he gives his patients his personal cell phone number, so I gave him a call. I was worried about having trouble through the weekend and I finally told myself. This is not supposed to hurt so something is not right. He told me to go down at 11am to see his associate and they would take some out. I had to drive to the O.C. which is about a 35 min drive for me. Not a bad drive and I found the office right away.

This other Dr. was nice and wanted to know how much fluid I had in my band and I said I was not completely sure, but I thought somewhere around 7.5 cc. I explained that I was loving the restriction, but not the pain and the inability to swallow water. Actually, the water went down, it just hurt like hell. Well, he drew out the amount of fluid in my band and guess how much was in this sucker??? 9 cc. I'm only 3 months post op WTF!! I can't believe my Dr. put that much in no wonder I was in so much pain. He took out 1 cc which means my fill was only .5 cc this time. I think from now on, I'm going to suggest we go a little less aggressive on these fills. Don't want to go through that again. I'm on liquids for a day or so and then to mushes and then solids. It was instant relief and the pain was gone instantly as well.

During my wait for the Dr., I was talking to another gal who was in the office for the same thing. She went to my Dr. on Tues (same day as me) for her 3rd fill and ever since had been trowing up with everything she put in her mouth. She too, slept in an upright position last night on the couch and was sent to this Dr. to have an infill. What a coincidence. I must say, I'm glad I wasn't throwing up uncontrollable. That is scary!!!

Now, on a positive note. In these last 3 days, I've lost like 6 pounds. At least all that suffering wasn't for nothing, but I'll take a slow and steady weight loss any day over a quick harsh one.

Have a great weekend everyone.

The Scale is still my friend...

Ok, so I'm still going down on the scale. Down another .7 pounds. That means I've lost a total of 27 pounds since my pre op diet. I'm very happy with that. I am only able to eat a very small amount of food with this fill. I'm not used to that, so my head tells me a couple bites is not enough, so I tend to eat a little more. Yesterday I ate:

Warm Espresso Protein drink - breakfast
1/2 cup oatmeal

1 cup Split Pea Soup -Lunch

1 cup chicken cesar salad -Dinner

SF Pudding -snack
a couple pieces Easter Candy

I did fine with everything and made sure to keep drinking throuhout the day. I have to have my drinks warm or they hurt to go down. I think it will be a struggle to drink 64 oz of water a day, but I'm thinking this fill will loosen a bit and water will get easier.

At about 8 pm last night, I was thinking about what I ate for the day and thought that I should drink another protein shake before bed because I probably didn't get enough in. So, I opened a protein shake and after a sip or two, I realize it's not going down well and my stomach starts to churn and I can feel the shake kind of stuck there for a long time. I got up and took a gas X and it helped with the uncomfortableness. I put the shake away and I think I am beginning to realize that I won't be able to eat or drink much after 8pm. At least for the time being. In a way, I think that is good...It will keep me from late night snacking. Luckily, I don't get up for water in the middle of the night (only when I've had too much to drink on a special occasion).

I've also noticed that with eating only a small amount, my energy level is not so good and I'm not feeling much like exercise. I'm going to make myself go to kickboxing today.

Feeling my Fill.

Ok, so I had my espresso warm this morning instead of iced and it was so much better. I even managed to eat a little oat meal this morning and all was good. I just had some Crystal Light from the fridge and it was uncomfortable, so I'm warming it up. I guess, as long as I keep the items warm for the next few days, I'll do ok. I'm going to try some salad for dinner tonight and see what happens. I guess its a good thing to be a little tight at night....keeps me from snacking.

OMG!!!

This fill is crazy tight. I was doing ok yesterday. I drank two protein drinks, light lemonade, some water and a small bowl of soup. Then for dinner, I had some more soup and took a couple bites of a Quiche I made. I chewed them well and all went down ok (you know I have to test that band, I can't just stick with liquids, though I should). Later on that night around 8 pm, I wanted something sweet, and I had some SF pudding in the fridge, so I thought I'd have one and oh boy!!! It hurt after a couple bites and I thought I was going to get stuck with pudding. I put it back in the fridge and was actually having trouble with just water going down. It hurt a bit and uncomfortable. It kinda scared me.

Well, this morning, I started with some water and it hurt again and I had some difficulty getting it down. I know that I am tighter in the morning than any other time and I'm on the rag, which I think makes me a bit tighter as well. I'm making some espresso right now and I think I'll drink my espresso protein drink warm instead of iced to help open up my throat. I hear people say this helps when your real tight. I'm hoping this afternoon will be similar to yesterday and I can get in some solids later today. On a great note, I stepped on y wii fit this morning and I'm down 4.5 pounds. In one day!! Is that possible??? That is an all time low of 196 yeah!!! I fully expect it to go up a little before it comes down as it always does right after a fill, but if I continue to eat and drink the way last night and this morning goes, it will hopefully keep going down. Right now, I'm thinking I'm too tight, but I'm going to give it a few days and see what happens. I'm not going to panice just because I was super tight this morning and last night. The only thing that worries me is if I can't get water down easily this afternoon, I will have to call the Dr. tomorrow. I need to be able to get water and protein down for sure.

Anyway, here is hoping today goes smooth.

Fill Numero 3

Well, I had my fill this afternoon, but still to early to tell since I'm on liquids and soft food. He put 1.5 cc in which by my calculations puts me at 7.5 cc. Could that even be possible??? This is only my 3rd fill. I don't think he has ever taken out the fluid in the band to see how much was left from the previous fill. I guess I don't ask enough questions. Anyway, I can feel the water kind of hesitating to go down. I had a bottle of water after leaving the office and a protein shake this afternoon. At about 3pm I had 1/2 cup of soup, thick but not chunky. Tonight I'm making soup for dinner and I should probably have another protein shake. I haven't felt starving at all today, but my stomach is starting to growl and ache about now (5pm). I sure hope I've hit the sweet spot or somewhat close to it.

I weighed in at 200.5 with my clothes on, which is about a 6 pound loss from my last visit about 6 weeks ago. The nurse was impressed, but the Dr. said to lay off the string cheese. I had to go over my regular meal habits with the nutritionist. Like what I usually eat for Breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks. That is kind of hard to list, since I eat different every day. I have to admit, I only mentioned the good stuff. I mean are peanut butter cups, chocolate and girl scout cookies even considered a snack (Ha ha)? Anyway, I'm happy with the 6 pound loss and thrilled the scale is going down and with clothes off, I've got to be back in one-der-land. I didn't weigh in this morning after yesterdays trip to the 200's again and having a few pieces of chocolate. But being back in one-der-land feels good again.

I purchased some new blouses a couple weeks ago that were a little snug and all my old blouses look so big that they are no longer flattering, so I'm finding myself in between sizes. I'm anxious for when the new blouses are big on me.

I'll keep you posted tomorrow when I start with some more substantial foods and see how tight I am.

Damn Easter Candy

So my kids have a boat load of Easter Candy and I swore I would stay away, but I can't help myself. I love the chocolate and the peanut butter cups. Thank goodness they are almost gone and then there will only be Skittles and Starburst and such. I keep going into the jar and grabbing a chocolate or two. I probably had a whole candy bar by the time the day was done. I've discovered having kids, makes eating good extremly difficult. Anyway, I get my fill today and I'll be forced to eat good for at least the next few days and then I hope to have a fresh start. Give me willpower!!!!! I'll try to post later today and let you know how fill #3 goes.

Happy Easter!!!

Hello everyone and hope you all had a fabulous Easter. We got back yesterday from our camping trip and it was a lot of fun. We had the Easter Bunny drop off plastic filled eggs at the campsite with a note that he didn't want to hide them because he thought the critters might get to them, so that the parents would have to hide them. The kids loved this and went, happily, to the playground while the adults hid something like 144 easter eggs. We had 11 children looking for eggs. My kids had a great weekend just playing with friends and there was no fighting. I just relaxed and enjoyed the entire weekend. It was supposed to rain one day, but it didn't, so it was a little cold, but we had a fire going the entire time.

As far as eating, well, I wasn't perfect and it showed this morning as I am up a 1.8 pounds and at 200 again, but I'm not worried. I go in for my fill tomorrow and am looking forward to it. I only hope all this easter candy laying around the house will not be calling my name. I know why I gained weight. I wasn't exercising at all, I was eating three meals a day (I usually skip breakfast and have protein drink) as well as snacks. I had quite a few diet Cranberry and Vodka drinks. All of that is sure to add some weight. I had a little trouble with some of the foods we had to eat. Particularly, there was a snack that was a rolled up sandwich in a sort of soft tortilla and cut into bite size pieces, well, I took one bite and could tell it was having trouble going down, so I just went to my trailer and did the whole hands in the air, lay down, walk around coughing thing and it still didn't budge, so I leaned over the toilet and kind of tried to push it up and up and out it came. I didn't slime, but it was kind of like clear saliva that came out and I felt much better and no one was aware of what had taken place in my trailer when I came back out. There were other foods, I had a little trouble with, but managed to get them down. I can see that I am tight at times and I probably didn't stop eating when I was full. It's something about camping where everything tastes so good. All and all, I'm ok with a slight weight gain. Not happy to see the 200 again, but I'm sure in a day or two, I'll be back in onederland. I'm going to focus on exercising and eating good this week, not to mention I'll be on liquids and mushies starting tomorrow for a couple days until I get used to the fill. I loved catching up on everyones blogs. Good work everyone!!

Camping

well, this will probably be my last post until we return from our camping trip on Sunday. I've been running around and cooking all day and I'm exhausted. My younger son went to a friend's house and my older son went with my mom and dad to the movies and to dinner. I'm just getting some of the things together and waiting for my hubby to get home to get the bigger stuff loaded. I needed a break, so I thought I'd check out the blogs. Today, I pre cooked a ton of bacon, brownies, toasted some coconut and ran to at least 3 different stores. I still have to pack the trailer and our clothes. I dread the getting ready part, but love the relaxing weekend and we are going with 5 different families that are good friends of ours. It will be fun.

BTW, after I dropped of my younger son, my older son loves to do special things with me when it's just me and him, so I had a coupon for Cold Stone Ice Cream (I think they have them all over) buy one get one free. We went down and I thought I'd splurge for myself and have one, I've been good all day. They have a sugar free, fat free butter cream ice cream there and it is wonderful!!! I had that with a couple peanut butter cups mixed in, so it wasn't completly sugar free, fat free, but can you believe they have this??? I haven't been to Cold Stone in probably a year, so maybe everyone does know they have this, but if you didn't, go try it. You can't even tell it's sugar-free, fat-free. We also have this great frozen yogart place near us where you choose your yogart (and they do have some sugar free ones) and you put whatever toppings you want. I love this as a treat as well. I think it's great how now a days, you can find healthier versions of things everywhere and you don't feel guilty after doing it.

Well, I better get back to my chores, everyone have a great week and a fabulous Easter.

Just a thought

I have always failed at diets and one thing I always notice is I loose a little weight and feel really good about myself and feel like I'm starting to look good and then I start to over indulge and actually sabatoge my diets. I still struggle with that mentality. The last couple of weeks, I haven't been weighing everyday. The true reason why I haven't is because I feel bloated and think I've gained weight and just don't want to face it. In reality, I shouldn't weigh daily and I know this. Anyway, so I'll be feeling fat and like a failure and don't want to face it and I think I must eat better feeling that I need to. When I weigh in and loose, I feel very proud of myself and I find myself splurging a bit more. I guess I'm thinking, I did good, I can have a little treat. All this is unconciously. Well, as you know, yesterday I was pleasantly surprised that I had lost when I expected to gain, so what did I do yesterday, I ate a whole package of girl scout cookies (1/2 of the box) OMG!!!! I am so upset with myself and, of course, I didn't weigh in today because I probably gained from all of that. I had to admit my failure and acknowledge it. I need to change this way of thinking and stop self-sabatoging myself. I can't wait until my fill and a fresh start to getting back on the horse.

Sorry for my rambling, I still feel really proud of myself, but I need to acknowledge my self-sabatoging ways, so I don't do the same thing today and bloging about it is like therapy to me.

Got a Job!!!

I'm so excited. I got a job!!! I've been a stay at home mom now for about 7 years with a couple odd jobs here and there. Well, since my self pay lap band surgery, I have been looking for some kind of odd job that will allow me some flexability with my schedule. Just to make a little extra money for us to pay off some of our bills. I don't need to make a ton, just a little. Well, by word of mouth, I came across a friend who works from home transcribing police reports for insurance companies. They were looking for someone and she called me. This will be great, I can do it in my own time while my kids are at school and it will be pretty steady work. I've never transcribed before, but I'm a great typist, so I think it should work out pretty well for me. Another friend of mine works for a company who hires people for odd jobs and she said she is going to bring me home some work that I can do from my home. I don't think this will be as many hours, but its small stuff I can do while I'm watching tv or something. I don't start the transcribing job until next week, so I'll let you know how its going.

Fabulous Monday and Still in Onederland.

I was so nervous to weigh in today fearing I'd be back in two hundreds, but I weighed in and I lost another pound. I honestly don't know how, but I'm going to take it and I'm thrilled. I'm at 198.4 yeah!!!!

Back after a fabulous weekend.

Hi all, I'm back from my weekend in Palm Springs with the girls. It was a little crazy as one of my best friends didn't end up coming, she had an emergency at home (her 17 year old son got in a car accident with his friend in the car...long story, but they are both ok). So, it was my other best friend and another gal. We drank champaign, ate dinner out, went to the spa, layed out by the pool and went to the casino. We fit a lot of stuff into a weekend and had a great time. I'm sure I gained weight as I can feel it. I'm totally bloated, but all and all, I don't feel like I ate too terribly, so we'll see tomorrow when I weigh in.

It was nice to read all the blogs I missed and catch up with what is going on with all my lapband friends. Everyone is doing great!!!

Also, its always nice to come home to my family after a weekend away.

Great Weekend....

I thought I'd blog a bit before I take off for the weekend with 2 of my best friends that I have know since childhood. We are going to Palm Springs for a girls out weekend....Fun....Fun. I haven't weighed my self in a few days since I haven't been doing so well and don't want to be depressed and this weekend will probably be hard to be good, but I'll try. Last time I weighed, I had finally hit onederland and I have a feeling I'm back in two-hundred- land :(. Anyway, I did choose to have my 3rd fill after Spring Break which is next week. I'm looking forward to the next fill and I have a feeling this will be a good one for me. One of my friends, who is going this weekend, called me all depressed because she has put on a lot of weight and said she is on a strict diet. She doesn't know about my surgery, but I said that I have been on a diet as well and would like to try to be good too, so we decided to make dinner at the condo one night and we are going to do Salmon and Salad. This will be nice to have someone else trying to watch what they eat and it will help motivate me. Here are a few NSV:

-I tried on my bathing suit and all my tops (I like the tankini type bathing suits) are too big, so I bought a new one. My old ones are all size 22 and my new one is size 16 (a little snug, but it should fit the whole summer)

-All my old clothes are really feeling large, especially in the waist.

-two people who don't know of my surgery noticed my weight loss.

-I managed to exercise 4 times this week

I'll try to blog on Monday and let you know how the weekend went.

Oh, forgot to mention.....

I forgot to put in my earlier blog that at my friends birthday dinner, two people who I haven't seen in a month or so commented on my weight loss. They didn't know about my surgery, so these are the first compliments I got from people who don't know. It felt great and I wasn't at all embarrased by it. I guess I love getting compliments!!! So this is a great NSV!!!! Yeah!!!!

Exercising and eating too much.

Why is it that when you (or should I say I) exercise a lot, I eat more?? Is is because I feel so good about exercising that I think, I can have just a little of that, I exercised today? or is your body trying to make up the calories it burned off? Whatever it is, I need to acknowledge it and stop making the same mistakes. I went on a 40 min bike ride around my neigborhood on Saturday and Monday. Went to kickboxing yesterday and plan to go to the gym and do a little cardio and weights today. I'd like to do another bike ride tomorrow and then I go away on Friday, so won't be able to exercise for the rest of the weekend. Next week will be a challenge since the kids are out of school and then we go camping. Right after camping is my fill and it can't come soon enough. I sure hope I'm close to my sweet spot this time.

As far as eating, I really haven't been doing so well and the scale is showing it. As you know, Sunday was a bad day and I'm finding myself snacking with bad stuf. I need to eat more consistently with good foods, because I find myself starving and then my head takes over and good choices go out the window. If I keep myself sustained, I tend to make better choices. I just worry about calories so much.

Yesterday, the boyfriend of my best friend threw her a birthday dinner for family and friends. I went without hubby and kids, since it was a school night and I didn't want to worry about homework and getting home in time for bed and all. I had way too many glasses of wine and then pasta was the dinner with a salad with delicious buttermilk dressing (which equals lots of calories) and bread. I ate it all along with a slice of cake and ice cream for desert. Now I know why I gained 1 1/2 pounds overnight. My Bad!!!!!

Well, the great thing about life is I start over again today and hope to do better.

Have a great day.